More Than Just Rice and Beans

I will be heading to CTIA in San Francisco this week. I anticipate the release of the new Treo 700 running Windows Mobile 5.0. More importantly, I plan of providing an in depth review of several San Francisco burrito establishments. Stay tuned.

Historic Interview

John Barnes
Interview
Halftime of Michigan State vs. Notre Dame NCAA DI Football Game
September 17, 2005

Moderator: Three words to describe today's game.
John: Football is fair.

Moderator: Who would clock in a faster 40 Weiss or Crennel
John: Crennel because Weiss would think it is stupid and not show up.

Moderator: What did you think Charlie Weiss' last meal was before he got his stomach stapled?
John: Ummm. Prime rib with baked potato, chives and sour cream. Maybe some cobbler for dessert.

Moderator: What would your last meal be?
John: I'd say soup because I would be so nervous that I would probably throw up anything else. Ya know?
Moderator: So just soup?
John: Yes. A whole bowl of chicken noodle soup.
Moderator: Nice.
John: Yes.

John: What type of news outlet do you work for?
Moderator: (no answer)

Moderator: There are three urinals. You are in the middle. Pick two Notre Dame legends to go on either side of you.
John: First of all, I would never go in middle. Jerome Bettis. [John thinks hard]. Jerome Bettis and, uhh, Pete Bercich. I would want this guy. He let a pass go through his hands and lost and BC kicked a field goal to win it. Me and Bettis would kick the sht out of him, ya know?

Moderator: F/Marry/Kill. Bettis, Rudy and Weiss.
John: I would F Bettis, kill Rudy and Marry Weiss.

Moderator: If you could add one team to join ND as an independent, who would it be?
John: Hmm. Probably USC. Yeah Southern Cal. So I wouldn't have to hear about how the PAC 10 is good just because one team is good.

Moderator: If you could take Lou Holtz to dinner in West Hartford, where would you go?
John: I would take him to grants There would be enough food on the menu to pick out.
Moderator: Wow, that's nice.
John: Yeah.

Moderator: If Charlie Weiss had an ice cream flavor, what would it be called?
John: Ice cream. Umm
Moderator: You have 30 seconds
John: Probably "Nasty Weissenberry"
Moderator: That tastes great!

Moderator: What is you favorite key on the standard QWERT keyboard?
John: I am a big control fan.
Moderator: Which one?
John: Left. Left. Empathetic left.

World Record Sham!!

This guy set the Guinness World Record for consecutive hours watching television. He's more Barry Bonds than Lou Gehrig to me; this record should DEFINITELY have an asterix beside it.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/09/16/tv.record.ap/index.html

Today's NPeter Lesson

Will Hunting has nothing on this little trickster.

The Three Players In The Mint World

Can you incorporate spicy elements into a mint flavor? For instance, I would love to somehow create a peppermint, spearmint or even wintergreen flavor candy that has an element of spiciness in it. I love wintergreen - I am not going to lie. But I think it needs to be taken to the next level. Take for example a mint combined with the spicy qualities of something such as a 'Hot Tamale' candy or an 'Atomic Fireball'. A little kick in the balls; but nothing too crazy. Also, I was thinking about this a little more. Those 3 mints are the three big players in the mint world. There are a lot of candy variations based on the those "root" mint tones. (Is root a good name for those three floavors?) Will there ever be another main player in the mint world that comes out of nowhere? Something to rival peppermint, spearmint or wintergreen? Someone please step it up. Can the Phoenix Foundation do anything to help here?

My mother would always give me candy as a kid to shut me up, except she hated when I crunched down. "Stop crunching! Or I will take the candy away from you!" she would tell me. It didn't really work one bit. Yes, crunching down on hard sugar candy is bad for your teeth and will most likely give you cavities in the long run. But what if it is sugar free candy? Can you crunch down on that without the fear of cavities or bad stuff getting in your teeth? I say this because someone over in the cube next to me has sugar free giant size life savers I like to eat.

Is it just me, or did MacGyver's feud with Murdoc always reek of something set up by The Phoenix Foundation? How come the original Big Mac never once suspected that Pete kept setting him up? Look at Pete; if that isn't a TV producer trying to hint that something was amiss, then the terrorists may have already won.

Blue Plate Special

Hello. I like to sit Indian Style and eat semi-decent food off a blue plates. Honestly - who does that shit?

My Reaction

Whoa! Are you serious? Say that again! Gosh, no fucking way! Gee, I am so excited to hear that news! That is exciting stuff to hear I have to say! Get the H-E-double hockey stick out of town! That is the most exciting news I have heard all day; possibly all year! This could be the start of something special! Wow, that is what I like to hear big fella! Ohhhh no, you do not say! You did not just say that, are you for real? I am so happy, I think I may book a one week trip to the Virgin Islands. Yes, and it counts.

I know, can you believe it? Once I heard, I decided to go STRAIGHT to the mini-mart and buy a tub of Ben & jerky strawberry cheesecake ice cream. Did you see that interception by South Carolina? That almost made me forget about what WE are so thrilled to discuss amongst us...and our friends. But once I knew you were on board, that's when I knew the next level was no longer the next level; it was the current situation. Tell me one more thing though: Where can we find a driver?

Does Anyone Eat At Burger King?

Honestly, does anyone eat at Burger King? There are three of us in the room right now and none of us eat there.

Below is a special interview with Ian, seen on the right in this 2002 photo.

Interviewer: Tell us about the big day in sports and how you are going to manage your time? Would you eat the pepperoni pizza off of Kevin Kennedy's face? And do you think it would taste good?
Ian: Ahh na na I cant fucking do this right now. But yes, I would like his face in a moment. In fact, I would do it for 20 minutes.

Interviewer: Honestly, what do you think of the starting lineup?
Ian: I don't like the fact that Damon is not starting. Seriously, I am serious I cant do this right now. Dude. [45 second break] I might stick pins in my eyes I have to listen to Tim McCarver all day.

Editors Note: Tim McCarver is really horrible at his job. That would be cool if they fired hm on the air.

A Quick Sonny Tribute

No, that is not NPeter. It is Sonny. He is here to work for you! If you need a place in New York City, please do not hesitate to call or email him. On another note, I found $200 in my passport yesterday. I am not sure what that means. It must of been beer money from my trip in December to Mexico D.F. usually I find $4 in ones in my pocket after a night out at Vaughns. Anyways, $100 of my bounty will help Robert Zollinger and his family whom need assistance after Katrina. My department is "adopting" a family and many of us are going to help support them get their life back together. I encourage those who have not helped to do so. Well that is about it. The Red Sox/Yankees game is tonight. Last time the Red Sox and Yankees played, Ian did not make it home and myself and Andy bugged. He promised he would call if he is late. Funny picture of Giambi and The Sheffield here.

NPeter's Story

For those reading this blog, your initial question must be, "Who is NPeter?" If not, it's probably something like, "Would MacGyver have unprotected sex?" I think we all know the answer to the latter, so let me expose the former's proper answer.

NPeter is the craziest of pit bosses at Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut. And by crazy, I mean "Calculating, calm, and armed with a rapist's wit."

We met NPeter when our friend Greg saddled up at a Blackjack table in NPeter's jurisdiction. Apologies to those who know NPeter, for the entire planet is his jurisdiction. But for the story's sake, I feel we need to understate NPeter's iron fist.

Jordan, Andy, Ian and I watched Greg from a distance for 20 minutes, hoping not to upset any momentum he had. Upon the Blackjack dealer spotting us and pointing, apparently we creeped her out by wearing sunglasses and giggling at her patrons, we moved in closer to Greg to offer support.

This is when our paths crossed with NPeter. Like the collision of two rivers, one black water, the other white water, our synergy instantly overcame any societal notions of decorum or restraint in a public place.

The mood intensified, as if we all knew we caught lightning in a bottle and we wanted to do our best Motley Crue impersonation; indulge face first and get as high as possible for as long as possible.

Ian was the first to strike, he asked NPeter, "Why does your name tag say NPeter?"

NPeter replied, "Yeah. Foxwoods really knows how to spell, don't they?"

Initiate launch sequence.

The next 20 minutes of NPeter's life consisted of a verbal assault of poetry, scathing indictments of his name tag and some fairly creative puns.

"Greg...get and NNNNNNNNNblackjack."

"Come on dealer...give him an NNNNNNNNNNace."

"Hey NNNNNNPeter...why don't you NNNNNNNNcomp Greg a room. "

Needless to say, every gambler within earshot took notice, most joining in the revelry and insidious comedy.

BUT, all the while, NPeter kept his cool. He gracefully walked away from Greg's table once he weathered our NNNNNslings and arrows.

And for that, we love him.

For that, we respect him.

For that, we live for him.

For that, we blog for him.

Relaunch

I am now rebranding Stuffy McInnis as NPeter. Why you may ask? Because I spent $10.00 on npeter.com. So welcome to the NPeter blog. The story of NPeter will be submitted by John in the very near future. In other news, I have to say that there is alot to be learned from MacGyver. He is a ladies man, a true anti-gun advocate and can make anything out of everything. For instance, tonight he got himself and Nikolai out of an incinerator with the help of a drawstring and a johnsonrod. All this, while on weed! Quite remarkable I would have to say. I look forward to upcoming episodes that involve Murdoc. John is here right now in his office doing his Fantasy Football draft. His office phone is off the hook so I can not call him, nor do I want to interrupt him. Ohh, I just heard the "Dude, its your pick." Take Drew Bennett I say.

Things to look forward to:

a) Apple is supposed to announce the Motorola E790 Apple iTunes phone Wednesday.
b) Curb Your Enthusiasm starts on September 25th.
c) Whole Foods should be opening in mid-October in West Hartford.
d) USA is in the World Cup.

Big Papi just hit an absolute bomb to win it in the bottom of the 9th. All this guy does is win games.